Eating Out

An avid follower of 'Air-of-Intelligence' left a comment today about Eating Out. Let's see what he says...

"Dear Mr. Smrt,

I always feel like an idiot when I sit down to eat at a fancy restaurant. How can I convey an 'air of intelligence' when I eat out?"

Thank you for your question friend - this is simply done by expressing your knowledge of food!
But you're probably thinking -I know nothing about food, my favourite snack is ketchup sandwiches-... how will this impress people?


LESSON #3: Eating Out
(difficulty level: 3/5)

First you need to be familiar with the 5 main food groups:

1. Food from animals (steak, chicken, eggs, milk, cheese )
   
2. Food from the ground (vegetables, barleys, sugar)
3. Food from trees (nuts, berries and fruit)
4. Frozen foods (ice cream, frozen yoghurt, coca cola ice cubes)
5. Desserts and Sweets (knickerbocker glory, banana split, jelly beans)

WARNING: Be aware of the food groups in case you're asked which is your favourite but never list them in a row, ever - you will not appear intelligent.

INTELLIGENT FACT #3: Intelligent people love to talk about different foods they have tried. The most intelligent person is usually the one that has eaten the most disgusting food.

Impress the people you are eating with by telling them some of the foods you have eaten. You don't even have to have tried the food before, the trick here is to simply tell them it tastes like chicken and they will believe you. The weirder the food the better.

Weird food that will impress intelligent people:

• Baby animals - lamb, veal (baby cows), bambi.
• Snails
• Frogs legs
• Kangaroos legs
• Ostrich legs
  
• Crocodile
  
• Animal innards - liver, kidney, brains.
  

Crossing the line (never say you've eaten the following, for some reason this is considered too far)

• Rat
• Dog/Cats
  
• Monkey
• Pets in general

I hope this helps you the next time you are in a fancy restaurant reader.
Best of Luck, Mr. Smrt :)